The Incredible Adventures of Vaati and Rose
by The Director 999
Summary: A collection of  slightly  humorous short stories about the friendship between Vaati and his roommate Rose. It does contain very strong language. Just letting you know.  Chapter 7 is up!  Still more to come, don't worry
1. Vaati and the Sandwich

Rose walked into the kitchen. "WAIT!" Vaati yelled, spinning around.

"What?"

"Don't take another step!"

"Why?"

Vaati pointed around the room. "I've put hundreds of really tiny toothpick tops all around this room."

"Why?"

"To catch the guy who stole my sandwich." Vaati pointed to an empty plate on the counter.

Rose pressed her fingers to her eyes. "Vaati, why did you do this?"

"Because someone took my sandwich!"

Rose turned to walk out of the room. "Ow!" She turned around again. "Alright, so you put toothpicks all over this room."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because someone took my sandwich!"

Rose groaned. She took a step forward, and then recoiled.

"I can't tell, did you get hit in the head, or was your hair always that color red?"

"Vaati, I took your sandwich."

Vaati was silent.

"You know, it took a really long time to set up all these toothpicks."

"Vaati-"

"I got stabbed so many times setting this all up!"

"Vaati-"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to sharpen a fucking _toothpick_? There are four hundred toothpicks in this kitchen!"

"Vaati!"

"Yeah?"

"Why can't I just make you another sandwich?"

There was a long pause.

"Sure, that works."

Rose walked to the refrigerator in the corner of the room.

"Oh wait! Don't touch anything on the second shelf!"

Rose's hand flew back in pain. "What is wrong with you?"

"I'm actually surprised you made it this far."

"Make your own sandwich, Vaati, I'm going in the living room where it's safe."

Rose walked out of the room, careful not to touch anything else.

"Oh! Rose! Don't touch the DVD player!"

"Dammit Vaati!"


	2. Vaati and the Neverending Conversation

The phone was ringing. It was really late at night, but Vaati didn't want to wake his roommate up. He fumbled for the phone in the darkness. "Hello?"

"_Vaati, buddy! What's goin' on?_" Dark Link.

"Jesus, man, it's three in the fucking morning. I _just_ got to bed."

"_Why are you going to bed so late?_"

"Because some asshole was talking to Rose until ten minutes ago."

"_Are you two dating?_"

Vaati groaned. "She's my best friend, I don't-"

"_You should ask her out._"

"Look, Dark, I'm really tired, can I please-"

"_Can I be your wingman?_"

"No."

"_Why?_"

Vaati rubbed his eyes. "Because you are the worst wingman ever."

"_What do you mean?_"

"Remember that time we were hanging out a few months ago?"

"_What about it?_"

"You told the girl I was hitting on that purple was a gay color."

"_Well it kinda is. What straight man wears purple robes and a purple hat?_"

"I wear red shoes. Red is a man's color."

"_Well most of your outfit is purple, man, what are you gonna do about that?_"

"Your hair is purple."

"_So is yours, buddy._" Vaati sighed. "_Besides, I wear black clothes._"

"Dark, I really don't want to talk right now."

"_Hey, how about you and I go to the castle and kidnap that Link guy._"

Vaati sat up in his bed. "Gee, you know I'd love to, but I can't."

"_Why not?_"

"IT'S THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING!" Vaati hung up. He sighed, rubbing his neck. "Jesus, that guy is so annoying." He turned to his side and collapsed onto his bed.

~30 minutes later~

The phone was ringing again. Vaati groaned, rubbing his eyes. "Make it stop..." He picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"_Hey Vaati, you know how we were planning on kidnapping Link just now?_"

"Do you have any perception of time?" There was a silence. "Sure, what about it?"

"_Guess who I have with me right now?_"

Vaati heard muffled screaming in the background. "Oh God, Dark, you didn't."

"_Aren't you proud of me?_"

"Look, I seriously have to go now. I'm tired as hell, I just want to sleep."

"_But Vaati, you've gotta come over here and torture him with me._"

"Torture isn't really my thing, I'll just let you do it."

"_Alright, I'll send you pictures._"

"Good night, Dark." Vaati slammed the phone down. "I swear, if he calls one more time..." He yawned, and went to sleep without thinking about it anymore.

~1 hour later~

The phone started ringing again. Vaati's eyes opened quickly. He wasn't happy. "What? What the fuck do you want now?"

"_Um... Vaati?_" It was Ganon.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry, I thought you were Dark Link."

"_He's been calling you, too?_"

Vaati was silent. "You can say that."

"_God, he's been calling me all night. I finally told him that I was going to a hotel and didn't give him my number._"

"Where are you?"

"_In a hotel!_"

Vaati smiled to himself.

"_Someone needs to straighten that guy out, he's going crazy!_"

"Well he hasn't called me in an hour, so I think I'm fine." Vaati heard a beeping in his ear. "Call waiting..." he spoke quietly.

"_What?_"

"I think he's trying to call me back!"

"_Let it go to voicemail, don't talk to him!_"

"I can't! He'll keep calling me! He doesn't know what voicemail is!"

"_Then unplug your phone._"

"There's one in Rose's room! What do I do about that?"

"_It's four in the morning. She can't be awake at four in the morning._"

"Well... I guess you're right."

"_Of course I am. Now unplug that phone, purple boy!_"

Vaati frowned. He hung up on Ganon, grabbed his hat and night robe, and walked out the door. He slowly opened Rose's bedroom door, afraid that it would creak and wake her up. He tiptoed into the corner of the room, grabbed the phone cord, and-

"Vaati?" Rose said, extremely tired. "What are you doing?" She rubbed her eyes and looked to the clock next to her. "It's four in the morning."

Vaati stood up and stepped away from the phone. "Oh, well..." he was silent for a while. "I heard the lightning and got scared."

Rose looked at the window. "Lightning?"

Vaati snapped his fingers. Clouds rolled on by until a large storm cloud hovered overhead, crackling lightning and pouring rain around Hyrule. "Yeah, anyways, can I sleep with you tonight?"

Rose smiled, still half-asleep. "Sure, go ahead." Vaati took off his hat and climbed into bed next to Rose. She draped an arm over him and fell back to sleep. "Night..."

Vaati couldn't move, and if he did, he would wake up Rose again. That would, of course, completely defeat the purpose of it all. Again. He stuck his arm out as far as he could reach. He could just barely touch the edge of the phone. As he finally got a grasp of the phone, he yanked it with all the energy he had left. He heard a distinct clinking, indicating that the cord had been pulled. Vaati sighed a sigh of relief, and finally closed his eyes and went to sleep.

~1 hour later~

Vaati felt his arm shaking. He woke up and looked to his side. Rose was violently shaking him. "What, what is it?"

"The phone in your room is going off, hang it up." Vaati's eyes suddenly went wide.


	3. Vaati and the Dinner that Almost Was

Vaati took another bite of his food. "This place is really nice," he said. "I'm glad that you finally found a restaurant that I don't have to wear a suit to."

"Do you even own a suit?" asked Rose.

Vaati thought for a moment. "No, I don't." He sounded void of emotion.

Rose snapped in Vaati's face. "What does it matter if you don't own a suit."

"Well suits are really important for men. The jacket is the most important part. I mean look at Doctor Who, he always wears jackets."

"Who?"

Vaati frowned. "It's before your time."

"How old are you?"

Vaati took another bite of food. "Thevenhundwed." His mouth was full.

"I'm sorry, how old are you?" Rose seemed startled.

"Seven hundred," he said as he swallowed. Rose had a look of shock on her face. "Why, how old are you?"

"It's not polite to ask a lady how old she is." The was a long pause. "I'm 22."

Vaati smiled, spreading his arms to either side of him. "See? We're all better when we're being honest."

Rose stuck her tongue out, jokingly.

They both laughed. "And I mean a balcony table, too! Why don't we eat out more often?"

"'Cause we're poor."

"Really? I thought there was something else, too..."

"Vaati?" Vaati made a distinct face.

"Crap... Fangirls..."

"Oh my gawd, are you, like, that wind guy?" A tall, blonde, teenage girl ran up to Vaati.

"I'm a Wind Mage and I'm trying to eat dinner with my friend. Can you please-"

"Can you, like, sign my sketchbook?" The brunette girl asked.

"Seriously, I'd really like to eat my dinner now. Can I talk to you later?"

"Can you do a cool wind trick for us?"

"Look, I'm trying to eat here, can I please-"

"Do a wind trick!"

"Yeah!"

Vaati clenched his fists.

"Check please!" Rose called out to the kitchen.

"C'mon, wind guy! Do a trick!" The girls continued to taunt him.

A fire lit in Vaati's eyes. "Alright, I'll do a fucking wind trick!" Vaati pointed at the sky, and then quickly threw his hands down and pointed them at the girls. Lightning sprung from Vaati's hands, incinerating both girls.

Vaati sat back down at the table, smiling at Rose. "I'm glad we had this time to ourselves."


	4. Vaati and the Clothing Eater

Rose pressed down hard on the camera's buttons. "You don't need to press that hard, Rose." Vaati said, on the other side of the camera.

"Why are we in a museum anyway?"

"Well, you said that you wanted to do something we've never done before."

"I meant let me sleep, you keep waking me up at six in the morning."

"Because we never get to do stuff like going to a museum."

"And for a good reason..." Rose said under her breath. She yawned for a few seconds. "I think I'm gonna go sleep on that bench for a month."

Vaati grabbed Rose by the arm and ran her over to the fossils. "See that?"

"No." Vaati shook Rose a bit to wake her up. "It's a Like Like fossil, what about it?"

"It's not just any Like Like, it used to be _my_ Like Like. Look, there's still a collar around it's neck."

Rose squinted, careful not to fall asleep. "Yeah, so what?"

"So, I need to break this guy out of here and use my special evil powers to bring him back to life."

"You're ridiculous."

"You're attractive." Vaati patted Rose on the shoulder. "Now then." Vaati reached out over the red velvet rope, grabbed the fossilized Like Like, and ran to the door. An alarm went off, waking up Rose immediately.

"What the hell are you doing?" She screamed at Vaati.

"I'm bringing my friends back!" He stopped by a Stalfos skeleton. "I think I knew that guy." The security guards were gaining on Vaati. He started sprinting again, Rose in hand.

"Vaati, are you seriously running from the law?"

"What, you think I should turn them to stone?"

"No, I'm saying-"

"A talking hat, then?"

"Teleport, idiot!"

Vaati smirked. He let go of Rose's arm and snapped his fingers. A purple portal opened up next to him, and he pulled Rose through.

~Vaati's House~

Vaati sat the fossilized Like Like down on his couch. "Vaati, I don't know how I feel about that thing being in the house..." Rose said, nervously. "It's awfully dusty."

"Well in a few seconds it'll be less dusty because it'll be alive." And with that, Vaati struck the fossil with lightning, coming from his hands. Seconds later, there was a living Like Like in the room.

"Eww... it looks nasty."

"Paul!" Vaati ran over to his Like Like. "It's so good to see you again! I bet you're hungry, aren't you?" It slithered around the room. "Rose, feed him some blouses, he prefers tunics but I don't think we have any."

"Vaati!" He looked up at the redhead. "I am not feeding that thing any of my clothes!"

"Well then do we have a shield, he eats those too."

"Sneak him into Link's house while he's asleep."

Vaati remembered a few weeks prior when he received a phone call from Dark Link. "I think he won't be home for a while." Vaati placed a leash on the Like Like and walked him out the door.

"I'm hiding my blouses from you, Vaati! I don't want anyone eating them!" Rose called out the window. Several neighbors looked at Rose funnily. She stuck her head back in the window and closed it quickly.

~Five Days Later~

"Vaati, you have to get rid of that thing!" Vaati looked up from his book. Rose was wrapped up in a towel, her hair soaking wet.

"Fashion statement? Because I'm loving it."

Rose's eyebrows slanted down. "Cute." She tightened the towel. "That _thing_ ate the clothes I set out while I was in the shower!"

"So? Get a new pair."

"That was my last outfit! I have no blouses, no T-shirts, no skirts, no shorts, it even ate my stockings!"

"Don't you at least have those boots I gave you last Christmas? Paul doesn't like leather."

"Why isn't he eating your cape or your shirts or anything?"

"Like Like's are allergic to the color purple. It's your fault for having a strictly no-purple wardrobe."

Rose's eyes went wide. "You fucking idiot! Why did you bring that thing back to life?"

Vaati held Paul in his arms. "You're hurting his feelings! No wonder he ate all of your clothes."

"It doesn't have feelings! It's a monster!" Vaati sniffled. Rose grabbed a knife off of the cutting board in the kitchen. "Fossilize that thing and return it to the museum, or I'm getting rid of it!"

"Rosie, it's not gonna die from a kitchen knife."

"Then I'll go into the market and buy a sword and kill it myself!" Vaati raised an eyebrow. Rose looked down, seeing the towel. "Vaati, if I can't leave the house, I can't go to work, and that means that if you want to keep watching TV and reading past 9:00, then you're gonna have to get a job yourself. And I can't leave the house without clothes, because I don't feel like becoming a nudist anytime soon!"

Vaati sighed. "Alright... I'll turn him to stone." Vaati walked into the back yard, bringing the Like Like with him. A few minutes later, a crying Vaati came back inside.

"See, was that so hard?" Vaati was still crying. "We can visit him in the museum every now and then, okay?" Vaati stretched his arms out, still crying. Rose sighed. "I'll hug you as soon as you buy me more clothes." Vaati nodded, walking to the door. "I'm sorry, Vaati, I know this is a bad time for you and everything, but I really want to leave the house." Vaati walked slower, dropping his book. "What book were you reading?"

"Old Yeller."

Rose couldn't help but chuckle at the irony.

"And I'm not sad about Paul, this book just has a terrible ending."

"I'm sure." Rose walked up to Vaati's side and pecked his cheek. "I'll make you some cookies while you're gone, and please, knock before you open the door, okay?"

"Yeah... alright..." Vaati closed the door behind him.

Rose sighed. Suddenly, she heard a rustling from the back door. As she opened the door, she saw Paul with a sleeve hanging out of it's mouth.

"VAATI!"


	5. Vaati and the Crows From Hell

Vaati slumped down the stairs. Rose giggled. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I couldn't sleep at all last night." There were dark circles under Vaati's eyes, which were bloodshot.

"What do you mean?" There was still a small smile on Rose's face.

"There are these fucking birds that sit on my windowsill every morning and caw nonstop."

"When did you first-"

"Five in the FUCKING morning!" Vaati yelled at Rose.

She turned back to her breakfast. "So do something about it."

"Like what?"

"I dunno, use your special wind powers to knock them off or something."

A lightbulb went off in Vaati's head. "Yeah... or something..." He turned around and darted upstairs, tripping along the way.

"Don't hurt yourself," she called out, sarcastically.

Time passed, the noises from Vaati's room progressively growing louder and louder.

As Rose finished her breakfast, she walked upstairs and knocked on his door. "Am I allowed to come in?"

"Not yet," Vaati called from inside.

She paused. "Are your pants on?"

Silence. "Maybe."

"Well I'm coming in." She opened the door, seeing Vaati sitting on a large arm-chair that she had never seen before. The chair seemed to sag around the sides, apparently not stuffed, and with no cushion. Rose remained quiet for a few seconds. "So you built a chair?"

"Not just any chair!" Vaati said, making arm motions as he quickly sat up. "Have you ever seen Sweeney Todd?"

"You mean the play where the barber turns people into meat pies?"

Vaati had a horrified look on his face. "I only saw the part where he built the fancy chair..." Rose bit her lip. "Anyways," he said, regaining his color. "I made this chair so that we fill it with the crow's feathers after we kill them."

"I see," Rose said, nodding. "So how are you going to kill them?"

"Still working on that, but-" he picked up a slingshot off of his desk. "-I found this on top of a tree. We can probably toss lit firecrackers at them or something."

"We don't own firecrackers." Rose folded her arms, leaning against the door.

"Can you buy some firecrackers?" Vaati asked, quietly.

"Why don't you just use rocks? We have lots of those." She pointed to the window. "We literally have a metric shit-ton outside in the garden."

Vaati paused. "We have a garden?"

"Why would you build a chair before you even had any feathers?"

"Don't go changing the subject on me," Vaati paused, pointing a finger at Rose. "I... you're... wait... something... insult..."

"Nice one," she said, smiling. "I'll be downstairs. Call me if you need me to kiss a boo-boo."

"Ha ha ha fuck you." Rose turned and walked back downstairs.

As soon as she sat down, a crow hit the ground outside the window. "Oh good," she said, looking away, "I always wanted a reason to plant new flowers." Then another bird fell. And another. After a few minutes, a giant cloud of black birds fell to the ground. Rose looked out the window. "Vaati," she called. "How exactly were you planning on cleaning up?"

Silence from upstairs. "Can you clean up for me?"

"I'm not even sure if they're dead."

"Can you clean up for me?"

"I'll see you after work," Rose said, heading for the door.

"You're a jerk," Vaati called from upstairs.

~5:00 pm~

Rose closed and locked the front door behind her as she came in. As she turned back to the living room, she saw a blood-soaked Vaati, feathers sticking out of his robe. She looked over him for a few seconds. "You forgot that things bleed when you pluck their feathers, didn't you?"

Vaati nodded.

"It's on the white couch, isn't it?"

He nodded again, this time holding up his arms, crying a bit.

"I'll hug you when you clean the blood off your face."

Vaati slowly walked upstairs. As he started the shower, Rose heard a scream from upstairs. "Rooooooose!"

"I'm not coming in there if you're naked!"

"They're in here!" He called out, which was followed by several minutes of cawing and yelling.

She smiled. "I love living here so much."


	6. Vaati and the Sudden Realization

Vaati wandered through the grocery store, confused and alone. "Excuse me," he called out to the man who walked by. He didn't respond. "Hey," he called to a woman. "Do you know where cereal is?"

"Have you lost your mommy?" Vaati grinded his teeth together. "Listen," he turned around, seeing a tall, redheaded girl in uniform. "Rose?"

"Dude, what are you doing here?"

"Um..." he paused. "We're out of cereal, hang on, do you work here?"

Rose nodded. "We've known each other for almost two years, how did you not know where I work?"

"Didn't I ever ask?" Rose frowned. "Didn't you ever tell me?"

"Your cereal is in aisle three, if you need me, I'll be at a cash register." She turned and walked away.

"Sorry!" he called out to her.

She waved at him, not turning around.

Vaati wandered the aisles until he reached his food. He looked up at the high shelves. "I've toppled kingdoms by snapping my fingers, but I can't reach the damned fifth shelf." He started jumping up and down, reaching for the box. As he finally grabbed a hold of the shelf itself, he pulled himself up. Which, evidently, knocked over the entire shelf. He sat up, looking down the end of the aisle. Rose was at a cash register, smiling and talking to a man in a similar uniform, and pointing at Vaati.

"Vaati?" Vaati turned his head, seeing Ganondorf with a large shopping cart, half-full with ramen and gatorade.

"Hey, Ganon." Vaati got to his feet. "Hey, do you come here often?"

"Yeah, and from the look of things, it looks like you don't," he said, looking at the scattered boxes. "Why?"

"Who's that guy Rose is talking to?"

Ganondorf looked up. "I dunno. Some guy who works here."

"You don't know him?"

"Vaati," he said seriously. "Just because I come here a lot doesn't mean that I know the name of every employee. I can barely remember your girlfriend's name, sometimes."

"She's just my roommate," Vaati said, looking down at the cereal.

Ganondorf nodded. "Yeah, she's probably dating that guy."

"You think so?" Vaati asked, looking sad.

"I don't know, man," Ganondorf said, raising his hands. "I don't keep up on her personal life. I've got more important things to be doing."

"Like failing to kidnap princesses?"

Ganondorf flipped him off.

"Ass."

"Look, man, if you really want to, take her for yourself before some other guy kidnaps her."

"Is that seriously how you think dating works?"

"I know how dating works!" Ganondorf said, tapping his chest. "I'm 33. I've had experience."

Vaati nodded. "You don't know how old I am, do you?"

"You're, what, 20-something?"

Vaati shook his head. "Whatever, it doesn't matter right now, what should I do about Rose?"

"Hang on," Ganondorf held a hand to his forehead. "You're 25, right? 26?"

"Should I buy her some chocolate? Girls like chocolate, right?"

"Are you in your thirties?"

"Maybe a nice book. She likes to read."

"Am I getting warmer?"

Vaati looked up at Ganondorf. "You suck, surprising no one." He walked off. "I'm gonna go look for a present."

"Wait a minute, how old are you?" Ganondorf called out into the aisles.

~Later~

"Next in line, please." Rose looked up from the computer. Vaati walked up, holding a bouquet of roses. She smiled. "Cute." She tapped a few keys. "$5.60. Who are they for?" Vaati held out the roses towards her. It took her a few seconds to realize what was happening. She smiled, sweetly. "Aww, thanks, Vaati. That's so sweet of you." She grabbed the money from his other hand. "But I'm still on the clock, I can't really just carry those around with me for the rest of the day, put them in a vase at home, 'kay?"

Vaati started to nod. "Um... sure..."

Rose smiled. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, I'll see you at home." Vaati nodded, stumbling around until he reached the door. Rose turned from the spinning, purple man to the customers. "Next in line, please," she said with a smile.


	7. Vaati and the Almost Date

The phone rang as Vaati was getting dressed. He fumbled for the phone, his hat slipping over his other eye. "Hello?"

"_I just read Chapter 3! You're 700-years-old?"_

Vaati paused. "Ganon?"

"_Dude, I am so sorry for playing the age card on you. How have you never brought up the fact that you're 700-fucking-years-old?"_

"Can we talk later? I'm kinda supposed to be at the movies in half an hour."

"_With your 22-year-old roommate? Does that technically make you a pedophile?"_

"Yes and no." Vaati paused. "That came out wrong."

"_Kinda. Does she think it's a date?"_

"Look, can I just call you back later?"

"_I mean, if it's a date, there's all that stuff you have to worry about..."_

"Ganon-"

"_Of course, since you're roommates, there's no chance one of you can leave the next morning."_

"Ganon!"

"_Actually, she has a job, doesn't she? So she always leaves in the morning..."_

"You're being anti-helpful right now." They both paused. "Are you still there?"

"_How about I come to the movies and keep an eye on you to make sure everything goes okay?"_

"Please don't. Please don't do that at all."

"_Awesome! I'll go pick out a shirt."_ He hung up on Vaati.

"Shit." Vaati put the phone down, checking himself in the mirror. "Maybe I should pick out something that isn't purple..."

~15 Minutes Later~

Vaati paced nervously around the living room. "Should I change my hat?" he asked himself. "I've always worn this hat. What if she only likes me because of the hat? Is she tired of the hat? Should I get a new hat?" He fell to his knees. "Oh GOD I need a new hat!" he cried out.

"Hey Vaati?" He looked up. "Are you feeling okay?"

He quickly looked her over. Her eyes were a bit darker around the edges, new mascara. Her stockings were missing the small tear up the side, also new. She wore the boots that he had given her for Christmas. Date.

"Yeah, I'm totally fine," he said with a big smile.

"It's just that you don't usually get on your knees and curse the skies."

"Yep. Totally normal," he said, still beaming.

Rose smiled. "Well alright, let's get going." She started for the door, Vaati following close behind, still smiling.

About ten minutes later, they arrived at the theater. "I'll get our tickets," Vaati said, walking to the counter. The man behind the glass wall was holding up a newspaper in front of his face, and apparently smoking a cigar. "Excuse me?" Vaati asked, tapping the glass. "Can I have two tickets to the 7 o'clock... can you hear me?"

Ganondorf folded the newspaper, flicking the cigar nub into the trash can. "So is it a date?"

Vaati paused, mouth hanging open ever-so-slightly. "What are you doing back there?"

"I told you, I'm gonna keep an eye on your date."

"I thought you meant you were going to sit behind us in the theater, not tie up the staff in a corner!"

"You can't prove that."

"I can see one of them on a chair."

"No you can't," Ganondorf said as he leaned to one side.

"So, can I have tickets to the movie?"

Ganondorf printed out two tickets, then checked them. "What's this about?"

"I dunno, I just picked a movie that probably had a kissing scene in it."

Ganondorf smiled. "I'm proud of you." He tilted his head. "Oh no."

"What?" Vaati asked, following his gaze. Rose was walking around in front of the theater.

"I'm so sorry, Vaati. But it's not a date."

"What? What do you mean? It totally is! New eye makeup, new stockings, fancy boots!"

Ganondorf pointed at Rose. "Fully buttoned-up blouse, didn't do anything to her nails, dirty jacket."

Vaati stuttered. "I... I mean..." He frowned and grabbed the tickets. "You're a jerk." He walked over to Rose.

"Hold her hand," Ganondorf called out as Vaati walked away. "See what happens."

"Come on," Vaati said, pointing Rose into the theater.

"Sure," she said, smiling. As they walked in, she turned her head to the ticket counter. "Isn't that your friend from University?"

"Who?"

"The redhead guy with the big nose." Ganondorf picked up the newspaper again, covering his face. "Well, he's gone now, but I swear I saw him. Does he work here?"

"I hope not," Vaati said, checking the counter as he walked past it. "Do you want popcorn?"

~Later-ish~

They sat down in the theater as the lights dimmed. "Oh good," Rose said, smiling. "We're on time."

"Yeah, I'm kind of not used to it," Vaati said, looking around the theater.

The movie started, awkwardly enough, with a sex scene.

"Oh fuck," Vaati said under his breath.

Rose laughed. "Well that's one way to do it."

Vaati felt confused.

A phone rang from the back of the theater. "Hey, man! What's up?" Vaati thought to himself for a bit, trying to identify the voice. "Nah, I'm watching some dude fuck this chick at the theater." He paused. "Nah, I'll text you a picture. It's pretty lame for 'R'."

Vaati's eyes went wide. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck," he whispered as he sank in his seat.

"What is it?" Rose asked, looking to Vaati.

"It's Dark Link..."

A shadow was cast over the bottom half of the screen. "V-dog? Is that you?"

"Fuck. Hide me."

"Vaati, man! What's goin' on?"

"Hey!" A man called from the side of the theater. "I'm trying to watch the movie, can you-"

Dark Link threw his sword at the man, impaling him, then dissolving and re-appearing by Dark Link's side. Everyone else in the theater was dead silent.

"Maybe we should just go," Vaati whispered to Rose.

"Hey, man!" Dark Link sat down next to Vaati. "Why you being so shy? I haven't talked to you in, like, a year!"

"You called me a month ago. Twice."

"You on a date?"

Vaati's face flushed red. He glanced at Rose, now listening intently on their conversation. "Um... I guess... I mean..."

"Yeah, why?" Rose said, grabbing Vaati's hand.

"Well, I'll just leave you two alone then," Dark Link tapped Vaati on the shoulder. "Let me know how it goes, alright?" He stood up and hopped back to his seat.

Vaati slowly turned to Rose. "Um... so this is... a date?"

Rose smiled. She leaned forward, kissing Vaati. His eyes were wide, almost fearful. As she leaned back, she giggled. "What's wrong? You've kissed a girl before, right?"

"I... um..."

Rose moved the hair out of Vaati's other eye. "It's fine, I don't really care."

"Um..."

She looked at him quizzically. "What is it?"

Vaati paused, biting his lip. "So am I going to sleep in your bed from now on?"

Rose smiled. "We'll talk about that later." She turned to the screen, smiling.

Vaati's face was flushed of all colors.

But he was happy.


End file.
